The Sexual Alphabet

Composed September 27, 1997, by David Dressler, Jessica Perry Hekman, Chris Maden (scribe), Ellie Maden, Marc Moscowitz, Rebecca Moscowitz, et al.


A is for A-frame, suspended in air.
B is for bedside--you're almost there.
C is for couch, favored by teens.
D is for doggy-style; off with the jeans.
E is for elevator, fantasy site.
F is for Fellatrix, who goes down every night.
G is for Grafenburg (that hits the spot!).
H is for horses which got Catherine hot.
I is for ice cubes, made famous by Kim.
J is for jockstrap, also used at the gym.
K is for kissing (most prefer French).
L is for licentious, the style of a wench.
M is for mother; we're not going there.
N is for naked and totally bare.
O is for Onan, who spilt on the floor.
P is for poontang that you get from a whore.
Q is for queer, when you hide from your folks.
R is for rear, where you get all your pokes.
S is for squick, a dick in the head.
T is for tied up, spread-eagled in bed.
U is for unhook, that bra that you hate.
V is for virgin, unbroached at the gate.
W is for woody which you hope that he has.
X is for XTC--try not to spaz.
Y is for yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES!
Z is for snoring after all this excess.